here;
stealing smiles.

just close your eyes

9:15 pm i can hardly remember. but whenever im lost or pangsehed i always have this aching feeling in my heart. like fear is tearing at me. telling me that i dont deserve to live. if im lost i should jut crumble and die and fade away coz no one cares. i hate being lost or pangsehed. its one of the few things that i cry instantly about. as in. seriously, instantly. though no one sees it. internally its like my heart is slowly losing its strength and the will to beat. nothing else matters except im all alone. no one's there. and i now have this image in my head. where im walking and walking and everythings dark. and there are black doors lined on every single side on me. all of them are closed. its very,very cold. no one else is there and i know that if i stay here? ill die. just from all the evil swirling in it. there are leaves. swirling like it was autumn in a foreign country. but all the leaves were the colour of ashes. dead. this was the place of death. nothing alive was there. nothing moved except me. and yet i was there... perhaps to die and become another one of the doors. to lead into nothingness. just a gateway to an empty hell.




you.

and i know i've fallen in love with you
captured by the touch of your hand.
and i know im scared to trust you
the fear in my heart always trancends.

yet i cant bear to leave you
i need your smile your warmth your touch.
yet love shouldnt be addictive.
but i crave you like a drug

though im scared ill trip again
and then tears;pain will flood.
though im starting to love you
a little too much, a little too hard.

and i think of your smile
at me. the twinkle in your eye.
and i know i will be ready someday
to trust you with my life.